Who's paying for foster care?

Posted: Tuesday 6th October 2020

Whilst meeting with foster carers and their long term foster child a while ago, we came face to face with a distressing possibility about the care system. These foster carers spoke about having made a decision to end their foster child’s placement. They explained that the child had complex psychological needs and they had never been able to access any help for her despite repeatedly seeking this for over a decade. They explained that the child seemed to be making no progress in their care and they had started to feel that they had nothing valuable to give her anymore. The child herself said ‘I feel like I’m going backwards’.

The carers explained that they had become foster carers twenty years ago, not for the money of which there wasn’t a great amount, nor for the status or thanks of which there wasn’t a great amount, but for the reward of helping children to progress after a rough start in life. The carers commented that when seeing them going through hard times with their foster children, their friends and family asked them repeatedly ‘why do you do it?’. In response, the carers painted a picture: ‘Little children come to our door, their hair is matted, they are hungry and they are wearing dirty clothes. We wash and comb their hair through. We put them in fresh clean clothes, and we fill their tummies. They are happy and they thrive. That’s why we do it.’.

It’s commonly understood, and not least by these particular carers, that children with traumatic early lives can often struggle to simply accept care and thrive. It is more complex than that of course. These children’s early relational trauma experiences often impact upon their sense of themselves as worthy of good care, and their sense of others as trustworthy. With these doubts on board, it can be hard to trust and accept care from adults. Our foster carers in this story used their appreciation of this to sustain themselves through years of fostering. However, they made something very plain to us: If there is no other reason to foster a child than the reward of their progress, the pressure is on that child to thrive from the care offered. In a sense, perhaps having been removed from their own biological parents, children must pay for their own foster parenting in the currency of making progress. And if these children can’t always progress? Is there enough of anything else in the system to keep their foster carers going? And if there isn’t, are we really saying that children who aren’t able to reward their carers are to be the victims of loss and deprivation again?

No-one intends to create such a deprived context for foster families, and many people do their utmost to provide what they can, given their means. But, if deprivation is allowed to become the hallmark of the care system, then how can the right to remove children from their biological families be morally exercised?

Our most vulnerable children deserve way more than continued deprivation. They deserve to experience good parenting freely, not only if they can pay for it with progress. And to relieve children of this outrageous burden, adults need to pick up the tab. Where are the comprehensive, joined up psychological, social and educational services that children looked after and their foster families need? Systematically available, high quality, accessible and responsive. It isn’t too much to ask. It’s the bottom line.

Jen & Jael

Join in the conversation
  • External
    1. At 10:50AM on 06 October 2020, wrote

    It's not about outwardly progressing, for our children It's also about the inward progression as well - the feelings of self worth, the ability to accept love and care, the removal of previously held thoughts such as I'm unlovable, I'm naughty, it's all my thought. We might not see these straight away or even during our care but the seeds are planted and they will grow.

    Foster Carers provide children, with not just the basics needs, but with nurture and unconditional love, giving our young people the ability for the mind to open and explore their feelings, emotions and challenge their past in a safe space. Sometimes this can be seen as regression by others, but actually its like a flower opening its bud and feeling the sun.

  • External
    2. At 11:13AM on 29 October 2020, wrote

    Is there enough of anything else in the system to keep their foster carers going?

    I connected to this in relation to trying to keep motivated in being a therapist for families in these stressful times. Change doesn't seem to come quickly enough sometimes - both for a family to stay together, for a social worker to feel reassured, for a family to feel hope, for me to feel like I could see enough change in the work I'm doing that it's making a difference. But if I think that 'I was there for the family and the system when they might have needed me and that's something' that makes it easier than thinking... I need the satisfaction of seeing changes. Maybe stability is enough when everything is stacked right up.

    Thanks for these blogs - they are really interested and helpful

Add Your Own Comments

Search Blogs